THE  GOSPEL  MESSENGER, May 1893

DELAND, FLA,March 17, 1893--Dear Bro. Respess: I was certainly brought into the possession of the precious hope I now have, by a way I know not; and ever since that never to-be-forgotten experience, I have been led, with reference to all the knowledge that I have of spiritual things, in paths which I had not known. The declaration of the Lord by the prophet that this is the way he will bring the blind to himself, and lead them, has been a great comfort to me (Isa. xlii. 15, l6). It has always been as one that is blind that I am led, and it is now a comfort to me, in my greatly tried and tempted condition, to know that I truly feel that I would not dare undertake to direct my own mind or steps one moment.

It was at first often a wonder that I could not seem to make any. advancement in thinking of the Lord and his works and ways as I would in thinking on subjects pertaining to this world. My conclusions concerning any natural subject upon which I studied, would stand the test when the authoritative measure was applied. But whenever the Lord revealed himself to me. in applying any portion of his blessed word and work to my soul, I found that all my former conclusions were contradicted by the revelation of him-sell I have found that my thoughts were not his thoughts, as he says (Isa. lv.); and that his ways were not mine; that by searching I cannot find him out; that I can never have any true knowledge of him except what he is pleased to reveal to me and in me; that all his leading of me must and shall be in paths I did not, and could not possibly, know before. It has been a great comfort to me to find that the Scriptures of truth are so clear and pointed in declaring the Lord's will to be just according to this peculiar experience of mine, and ill all my poor labors I am led to dwell constantly and fully upon this truth, that the understanding by which any man can know the Son of God, is given by himself and is a sure evidence that we are in him (John v.); that only by the Spirit of God given unto us can we ever know the things that are freely given to us of God; that only the Spirit of God knows the things of God: and that by that Spirit which searches all things, yes the deep things of God, they are all revealed unto us, --1Cor ii. 10-16.

How many a time I have proven that I cannot with my finite mind think at all correctly of God. I find myself disputing, like Peter, questioning, hike Nicodemus, how these things can be, seeking to find some way to explain and harmonize what always will appear contradictory or unjust to the finite or carnal mind, which I find, in me, is still "enmity against God, and is not subject to his law, neither indeed can be." I find, also, that my natural mind leads me to doubt and distrust the Lord, and to conclude that his thoughts cannot but be against me But when he reveals his thoughts to me, I have always been so amazed to find them "thoughts of peace and not of evil," as I had been so sure they must be; and how I rejoice to be told by him that it is "to give me an expected end," (Jer. xxix. 11) as I hope he has told me

Many conflicts and unanswerable questions arise in my mind concerning these things, and especially as to my part and lot in the gracious provisions of our God. I am so glad the apostle concluded that wonderful teaching about the inability of the natural man to understand or judge of these things with this remarkable expression, "But we have the mind of Christ." But do I have the mind of Christ? Is he thus manifest to me, and in me. as my life, that his mind, his gracious will, his infinite knowledge, are mine? Sometimes I hope I have such a precious revelation in my soul, and such a child-like reliance upon him, as assures me that it is so.

I know that faith--that "fruit of the Spirit," that "substance of things hoped for and evidence of things not seen--is not intrusive, does not question and struggle to understand mysteries; but is trustful, child-like, confiding. I have thought a child lying quietly in its mother's arms has more strength and knowledge than the one able to run about, for it has the strength and knowledge of the mother. So when faith prevails within us we are like the little child, trustful, confiding, as we rest in the everlasting arms, and wait for the revelations of his precious will concerning us. It is he alone who can cause us to trust in the Lord, commit our way unto him, delight ourselves in him, and rest in the Lord--Ps. xxxvii. 3-7. The more we feel our ignorance, the more are we made to know and rejoice in him as our wisdom; and the more painfully our weakness is felt, the more do we know of the sufficiency of his grace and strength for us.

While I so live, and cling to, and hold hard upon, the scriptural teaching that wisdom, and learning, and knowledge of the natural mind do nothing towards advancing one in the knowledge of heavenly things, and that the poor, and feeble-minded, and unlearned, have every true advantage in the church of God equally with the rich, and wise, and strong, yet again and again the question comes up in my mind, Am I really interested in this? Am I one of the little ones who believe in Jesus? What evidence is there that the Lord has comforted me "as one whom his mother comforteth ? Some times I feel as though I would like to express the depth and bitterness of such doubts and questions; and that I would love to tell how unexpectedly and suddenly, and yet as quietly as the softest wind blows upon us, the answer comes that removes all such doubts and troubles I may go on for along time thinking of the doctrine and promises, preaching, or trying to preach, and doing whatever I think my duty, and yet be, in a manner, outside, as to myself; no entering into the inner sanctuary; when all at once the door is standing wide open, as though it had been so all the time. The doctrine I was contemplating, the promise, the exhortation, the ordinance, that had been in my thoughts is mine. Coldness and hardness are gone from my heart, and it is full of warmth, and love, and tenderness, and humbleness, and praise to the Lord for his goodness. Oh! if such seasons could be more constant with me.

"I will put my laws in their mind, and write them in their hearts."--Heb, viii. I want to know that they are in my mind; but that is not enough; I want to feel the writing of them in my heart. The heart in which worldly things are impressed never leads me into spiritual usefulness, comfort and peace, I want the new mind and new heart, where that unfading writing by the Spirit is, to lead me and guide me.

To all my brethren I would say: "Hold fast the form of sound words which thou hast heard of Paul, in faith and love, which is in Christ Jesus. Your brother affectionately,

Silas H. Durand

I intend, if the Lord will, to be at Southampton again by the first of May.