In early childhood my parents taught me of God and His laws and Jesus Christ and his crucifixion, also of Heaven, of Hell, and of Satan, as recorded in the Bible. Thus Father and Mother trained me to respect God and His holy worship. They often carried me to church and caused me to sit still and behave myself in the house of God. While this could not cause me to know God or to lovingly believe in Jesus, and though I then cared for none of these things, yet for all this early parental teaching and much more I now feel most heartily thankful to them and to the Lord.

 Occasionally when about four years old, I began to have serious impressions about God and my future state. The earliest of these impressions remembered occurred while mother rocked me in her arms and sang, "I will arise and go to Jesus." As the youthful voice of my young and devoted mother rang out in clear tones singing these words in faith and love, making melody in her heart, I first felt the emotion of love in my infant bosom. Whether or not this was truly the love of God, I do not know; but no doubt, some children are born of the Spirit's renewing work before they can remember.

 Friends began to praise me and to say, "Be a good boy and you will go to Heaven." So I very naturally believed what was taught me--that I was a good boy with little or nothing against me, and that I could easily secure heaven by my good deeds. And in my sinful pride, being very sure that I did more good deeds than bad ones, I felt equally sure that I would merit Heaven and gain the favor of God by my obedience to His laws. Thus during the next few years, I became a great Pharisee. I considered myself much better than other children, and felt entitled to Heaven because I was so good. But after a time, instead of claiming to be the best boy, I felt sure I was the worst boy of all. The many foul sins now discovered in my heart troubled me. It seemed God might save others, but me He would never save. Yet kneeling in some secret place and often prostrate with my face in the dust, I would try to beg the Lord to have mercy on me a vile sinner justly condemned to die. But it seems l could not pray, nor get low enough on the ground to express my sinful corruptions, and that God would not hear me because of my sins. Sometimes after seeking a suitable place in vain, I would return home feeling ashamed and too unworthy to pray to the most holy God. And when Grandfather Denman would often give the privilege to those desiring prayer, to make it known, I would generally give my hand with edifying results. And, brethren, when this privilege is given I feel yet to give my hand, for I still desire the prayers of humble christians.

 After about six months in this troubled state, sometimes forgetful or giddy but much given to serious meditation and trying to pray. one day, while picking cotton, I felt more powerfully than ever before the peaceful love of God abiding in my heart, and was so happy. I now believed on Jesus and loved Him and all nature. The birds seemed to sing more sweetly; the breeze was more gentle and lovely, and the leaves on the trees seemed to praise the Lord. To my view everything was changed and was praising God. All was lovely, while a calm, sweet peace and joyful praise to God filled my soul. My inquiry had often been, what is meant by receiving a hope? Now the meaning of the sweet word "hope" was comfortably enjoyed within my heart. Then I was no longer ashamed or troubled about my sins, for the love of God and my fellow mortals now filled my heart and enabled me with humble confidence to look up in the face of Jesus and rejoice. I never was so happy before--it is inexpressible.

After enjoying for a few minutes this wonderful love of God, the impression or desire came that some day in the future it would be my lot and duty so speak of Jesus and His great love. Then immediately the thought came, surely this cannot be, for I am so ignorant, unfit, and unworthy. Surely, surely, God would not call one whose heart and life has been so wicked, to occupy a place so holy. So with all the power of my will I endeavored to put the thought of proclaiming Jesus away from me. And almost all my sweet hope seemed to go too. It occurred to me that for such an unqualified worm, as I to preach Jesus, must be a mistake. I feared my hope also was a mistake. So my desire was much increased to read the word, and I was often moved to tears of humble gratitude when reading of the extreme suffering and death of Jesus to save sinners, and was much comforted by the many precious promises to believers now so sweetly applied to my soul. The Bible seemed like a new book. Especially did the pages of the New Testament seem to shine with divine beauty.

From the time I received a hope till the present, there has been a warfare between the love and service of God on one hand and conformity with the world on the other. If not deceived, Christ by His love and grace has kept my renewed soul or spirit from sin. On the contrary, my unrenewed disposition called "the flesh" or "old man" has pleaded for, and has often gone into sin. But I trust through Christ I have been enabled to keep under my body or evil appetites. Of course I have not been able perfectly to keep under my body or entirely avoid all sin, for when least aware of it I do wrong in thought word or deed, and feel deeply grieved because of sins. Being sick of wickedness I do not desire to sin; but my desire and prayer to God is that I may shun the every appearance of evil. In this warfare sometimes my hope is feeble, and then presently revived, sometimes my love grows cold, and again the love of God is so very warm in my soul that I am enabled to mortify the very deeds of the body and rejoice that sin shall not have dominion over me. Praise the Lord who giveth us the victory through our Lord Jesus Christ.

After receiving a hope I desired to join the church and be baptized, but deferred doing so for about three or four years. During these years of trying conflicts many arguments were presented to keep me away from the church. The most forcible of these was a sense of my unfitness and unworthiness.

M. D. DENMAN.