Wife's Duties, A Strong Example

Likewise, ye wives, be in subjection to your own husbands; that, if any obey not the word, they also may without the word be won by the conversation of the wives; While they behold your chaste conversation coupled with fear.  (I Peter 3:1, 2)

This verse could well be described as a living Bible, for it describes a wife whose godly, gracious life wins the respect and admiration of her unbelieving husband, despite his lack of respect for "Organized religion" or the Bible. He knows her intimately, knows her moral integrity, her sincerity, her forgiveness and her kindness by personal experience, and they all cry out in witness to him, "You can call all those other professing Christians hypocrites if you wish, but you know your wife is genuine!"  While the word translated “conversation” certainly includes her speech, it embraces her entire life and deportment, as well.  She speaks with her entire life, not just her mouth. Men, can you remember the marvelous influence of your mother on your formative years?  On Mother's Day do you pay her, or her memory, tribute in some very special way for that profound influence?  Then you acknowledge that pervasive influence that is the subject of this lesson.

In I Corinthians 14:34 we read, "Let your women keep silence in the churches: for it is not permitted unto them to speak."  This lesson clearly sets the Bible role of the woman in the activities of the New Testament church, and this God-directed role precludes a woman from being a preacher, unpopular as that truth is today.  This lesson, set in an extensive dissertation of spiritual gifts, reminds the woman that her gift in the church is not in the area of public speaking or teaching.  However, it should extend beyond the negative "Not permitted to speak" to embrace the scope of the woman's place in the realm of spiritual gifts, a positive contributing influence, for women do have spiritual gifts that are needed in the church.  If the lesson were intended to teach only that the woman's place in the church is one of silence, not engaging in personal speech or teaching, the language should read, "Let your women keep silent in the churches." However, the subtle, but convincing words, "Let your women keep silence in the churches," impose a far greater responsibility, a spiritual gift unique to the women in the churches.  I suggest that the lesson sets the example for women to make a positive contribution, which God has especially enabled them to do, to maintain a spirit of peaceful silence, reflective of contentment and fulfillment.  Satisfied sheep are quiet, not continuously bleating their discontent for all to see and hear.  So in the church, the godly women are given a spiritual gift to encourage that peaceful spirit within the church body.

As usual in practical truth, Proverbs offers some gems to focus our thoughts. Proverbs 11:16, "A gracious woman retaineth honour."  What a beautiful description of the godly woman who maintains her integrity in the face of adversity!  Her honor is such an integral part of her that she will not allow herself to be separated from it.  Proverbs 12:4 joins the list, "A virtuous woman is a crown to her husband: but she that maketh ashamed is as rottenness in his bones."  A crown is the symbol of royalty, either in position or conduct.  No man ever wore a more honorable crown than the virtuous wife who stood by his side, who knew his innermost secrets and flaws, yet loved him fiercely and supported him like the Rock of Gibraltar.  Proverbs 14:1 continues, "Every wise woman buildeth her house: but the foolish plucketh it down with her hands."  Normally, we think of men talking to each other about the faults of their wives, but this verse confirms that the woman is capable of the same conduct.  The lesson poses a constructive challenge to all of us, men and women alike.  In the absence of our spouse, what do we say about them?  What impression do others form of our marriage by our conversation?  Are we building "Our house," or are we tearing it apart, board by painful board?

As I recall the influence of my mother, my wife, and a number of other godly women in my own life, I can think of no single issue in which they so powerfully influenced me as by their compelling, all-encompassing good example.  The gracious substance of their lives latched onto my better side, and kindly, but forcefully, commanded my respect and my emulation.  I have counseled with a number of couples whose marriage would have been saved by the husband's respectful regard to the convincing example of the wife.  I have quietly groaned in sadness as I observed other marginal marriages that merely demonstrated a struggle to survive, but could have easily moved into the joyous sunshine of contentment by honoring the unselfish example of the wife.

When Paul required husbands to love their wives "Even as Christ also loved the church, and gave himself for it," he did not leave men in the dark as to the true exhibition of that Christ-like love.  I am embarrassed at my own conduct in times past, and I am disappointed at so many men who think, pretentiously based on this verse, that they have every right to make any demand they wish on their wife, and she is obligated to mindless obedience.  The love of Christ for the church, the foundation of the husband's role model, is characterized, not by an unending litany of demands for service.  It is characterized by one simple word, "Giving!"  See that word in the verse, "Christ also loved the church, and gave?"  Men, hang that word as a lens over your eyes to refocus every view you have of your wife and of your relationship with her, for if your relationship toward her is not characterized by giving, yourself, your respect, your faithful support, and your energetic services to her, you have not yet performed the most elementary responsibilities of a Christ-like husband!  The only example in marriage that should be more important than the wife's is that of Christ himself!