Marriage In God's Pattern, Joyful Monogamy

Live joyfully with the wife whom thou lovest all the days of the life of thy vanity, which he hath given thee under the sun, all the days of thy vanity: for that is thy portion in this life, and in thy labour which thou takest under the sun.  (Ecclesiastes 9:9)

Coming from any man, these are wise words, essentially profound.  However, coming from an old man who experienced wisdom and riches, but squandered it all for the sake of a carnal appetite that boasted of a thousand women, but could not boast of contentment, it is a real gem.  So many become infected with a wandering eye and a desire to satisfy the eye with the self-justifying "It's not a matter of morality; it's simply a matter of an additional experience, a broadening of horizons, desired to make one wise and worldly."  We do not need to experience everything to know that it is right or wrong.  God does not allow each generation to re-invent a new moral code, suited to its warped appetites!  Ecclesiastes stands before us as a stark witness to the fact that trying "Everything under the sun" only leads its victims to the empty shell of an aching life that cries out at every corner, "Vanity of vanities.  All is vanity and vexation of spirit."  If that kind of painful mood is what you want in your old age, follow Solomon's example.  Live it up, indulge your every appetite, for this course is guaranteed to do for you what it did for Solomon.  His advice was spoken out of bitter, disappointed, self-indulgent excesses.  His was the bitter agony that could only cry out, "Don't do what I did.  It's wrong!  Please, do what I say!  It is a better way."

There is a better way for God's people in this age, as well, and it is marked by the words of the man in the Bible who had the wisdom to know better, but was allowed to speak to us from the dark agony of his error.  With God there is hope for mercy and forgiveness, but my dear friends there is also the certainty of a painful memory, that unforgettable disappointment in one's self for the error that was allowed.  As Jacob boldly wrestled with the angel all night, and prevailed, but left the scene with a life-long limp, so we, too, will walk away from our night battles with God limping, limping for life. Rich blessings do not have to be mingled with battles and midnight wrestling with God.  We are not forced to follow Solomon's footsteps to learn his wisdom.  He has given us a path that offers greater blessings than any he ever experienced, joys that do not turn to tears with the light of day, and contentment that follows us to old age and creases a joyful smile in the aged face whose contented beauty runs deeper than any face of rebellious youth.

Live joyfully!  Do you have reason to laugh?  Do it with your wife.  Include her in your joys.  Is there reason to be thankful for the good things that have come your way?  Be thankful for the wife of your youth and share the blessings of gratitude with her.  Do you thank God for those good things? Thank the wife of your youth for all of her dedication to your blessings and joys.  She deserves it and more.  Inherent in these words is a command that is within our reach, but liable to be neglected.  As we grow into old age, there is a constant danger of becoming cynical, of remembering the wounds and hurts of life and becoming a skeptic, a cold remote soul who cannot remember the sunshine of life and of the soul.  We are here commanded to live our natural lives in a joyful spirit and, by all means, to include the wife of our youth in all of the joys and blessings that we remember.  There is an inherent command to take control of both our minds and our memories.  We are to cast off the bitterness and coldness of winters, to remember the days of sunshine and joy.  How beautiful are the words of the poet, "Grow old along with me; the best is yet to be."

With the wife of thy youth.  The life-long bond of a God-honoring marriage is clearly the foundation of this thought.  When I look back to that day when I was 21 and said, "I do," I shudder with fear that I was so young and so unaware of the life that was ahead.  But I am thankful that God lead my wife and me along a path that, however painful and difficult, only served to solidify the cement that was between us.  Some say that marriages are made in heaven.  Perhaps they are, but they are preserved in the kitchen, the family room, the bedroom and in every other room of our lives.  They are preserved by remembering the wife, or husband, of our youth when we need a shoulder to cry on, when we need someone to share a good laugh with us, when we need a boost over the tough times.  In those times we are to look to the wife or husband of our youth and remember to live joyfully with them.  When the common saga unfolds, the wife works at a routine job to put her husband through college only to later discover that he has "Outgrown" her and rejected her for another woman more his "Intellectual equal," someone has forgotten to live joyfully with the wife of his youth.  The road of Solomon is a well-traveled road, but not a very happy one in the end.

That is thy portion in this life.  As God gave the woman to man in the Garden of Eden, "An help meet for him," a joy and a fulfillment that he could not find in any ambitious pursuit, even in the Garden, so God gives us marriage with the opportunity to find a small portion of that wonderful, mysterious contentment that can only be known by a husband and wife who are committed to sharing every dimension of their lives and finding joy between them, regardless of what they have been through in the ragged experience of life.  A joyful marriage is God's appointed portion and blessing.  However, it is not forced upon us.  It is offered to us each day, and we must seek out the joys of life to share with the wife of our youth whom we love.  May it be so more often.