In God's Pattern, The Right Foundation

And Jacob served seven years for Rachel; and they seemed unto him but a few days, for the love he had to her.  (Genesis 29:20)

A basic premise of construction is that the building, regardless of its appearance, is no better than the foundation upon which it is built, a proposition that holds true in the moral and the spiritual aspects of life as surely as in the world of buildings.  It certainly holds in the building of a marriage.  Clichés are great mirrors of our thinking.  Initiate a conversation about a lasting marriage, and the quips and clichés flow freely.  "A good marriage is made in heaven." Then the distant reply is heard, "They may be made in heaven, but they are preserved in the kitchen."  "The secret of my long happy marriage is _______."  How many ideas have you heard in that blank?

A few years ago when our children were involved in Girl Scouts, there were a large number of parents who all seemed quite dedicated to their children and their families.  Recently, my wife observed that we were the only couple still married of that whole troop.  At times our girls almost felt different from their friends because their parents were the only ones in the crowd who were still married.  I offer these thoughts, not to boast, but to lament the sad state of our society when such a devastating experience as divorce is so commonplace.  Television shows depicting marriage ceremonies cast the minister as requiring faithfulness to the vows "So long as you both shall love," not the traditional and biblical "So long as you both shall live."  One of the key ingredients in the model of a successful marriage in the Bible has become a four-letter word today; that factor is commitment.  It's a dull word, a bit boring, certainly nothing to strive for in this exciting age of diversity and adventure.  The depth of our cultural perversion is clearly unmasked when society's morals improve from fear of AIDS more than out of respect for moral integrity.

About the only concept of love that is commonly known in this enlightened generation is that soft, gushy, gooey kind of love that is solidly based on the fickle emotions of the carnal human nature.  One day it is irresistible, demanding that the object be embraced and loved with abandon.  The next day that same object is viewed with dedicated indifference, as just another casual acquaintance.  Emotional love, carnal love, I don't know what to call it, but it is certainly not the foundation for a good marriage.  Look at the kind of love that appears in our study verse.  "They seemed unto him but a few days, for the love he had to her."  How much time did Jacob work for Rachel?  A month?  Six months?  Not a year?  The answer is seven years.  What kind of love drives a man to work with joy for seven whole years to have that wonderful thing that wakes him up every morning with a smile, that drives him to work hard, long hours with faithful dedication, and to think of seven whole years as but a few days?  Friends, it takes something with solid substance to drive a man to work for seven years and think of them as just a few days for the love of that woman.

Jacob was not always the sparkling example of commitment and faithfulness, but this chapter of his life illustrates a love for Rachel that is a worthy role model for young couples considering marriage.  Perhaps it offers some notable wisdom for a good foundation.  During those seven years, he had time to see his Rachel in her best appearance and behavior, but he also saw her at her worst. He had time to talk with her about life, about managing a family budget, about children, about religion, and just about everything else.  How many young couples get married without a single discussion of these issues, matters that will be the daily reality of their life as husband and wife?  After all, they're too much in love to bother with such trivial things.  Well, just wait.

When the echo of wedding bells has vanished and they are confronted with the reality of an overdrawn bank account, the bank will see to it that they have a discussion of family finances and budgets.  When the first child is born, there will be some real concern about how to raise it, what moral values are important to teach it, what religious teachings.  If they didn't have a discussion of religion before, they will likely have one then.

Interestingly, many of those who practice living together outside of marriage justify their practice by saying that they are really just getting to know each other to see if they would be happily married to each other.  I recently heard of a couple that had lived together for ten years and finally decided to get married.  One of the partners said a few months after the wedding, "Well, it didn't work.  That man I'm married to now is not the same man I lived with for ten years." Enough said!  Honest discussions of such matters during courtship would accomplish several very important things.  First, it would revamp the whole concept of dating, long overdue, for the accepted dating activities are deeply involved in recreational activities, most often prohibiting any direct conversation, much less intense and honest dialogue. Secondly, they would learn early in the courtship if any foundation for a good marriage existed, or, for that matter, if there were any desire to get married after learning the true person.  Seven years of communication didn't diminish Jacob's love for Rachel in the least.  Was his Rachel worth seven years of hard work?  Was it worth all the raw deals his future father-in-law pulled on him?  Just remember that this commentary occurred after the seven years, not before them.  After it was all over, the seven years were still well worth it.

Such love forms the right stuff for a good marriage, one that will last a lot longer than the time it took to earn the respect, the good comfortable confidence, and, yes, the lasting love, all of which find their way into the solid, no-nonsense foundation for a lasting marriage.