The Assignment-Each According To His Order

Therefore as the church is subject unto Christ, so let the wives be to their own husbands in every thing.  (Ephesians 5:24)  So ought men to love their wives as their own bodies. He that loveth his wife loveth himself.  (Ephesians 5:28)

While either of these two subjects would justify any entire series on their own merit, this lesson will simply establish a pattern, a way of looking at the subject.  Throughout this series, Of Husbands and Wives, the issue of a God-defined position or function, in direct contrast to the superiority or inferiority of one sex over the other, will be repeated often.  In my sincere view, both sexes have largely deserted the position that God assigned to them in favor of the opposite turf, frequently justifying a self-serving behavior with the idea that God made them superior to the opposite sex.

First, consider the instructions to the wife in this lesson.  The verse does not require that women become thoughtless slaves to their husbands, nor does it demand unqualified obedience.  As a matter of fact, fellows, you should rethink the idea that God commands your wife to "Obey" you.  Such a statement is not found anywhere in the Bible!  Obedience usually suggests that the one who is commanded to obey another is inferior to the other party.  The issue in the admonition to the wife in this verse is not obedience, but subjection. Subjection is more suggestive of an equal being assigned a particular function or position, and that position calls for subjection to the assignment or the person responsible for the assignment.

Far from unqualified slavery or unthinking obedience, this verse imposes a strong, highly structured form and limit to the subjection that is taught. "As the church is subject unto Christ," is most instructive, for only as the church is subject to Christ should the wife be subject to her own husband. The basis of Christian obedience is not fear, threat of death or bodily harm, or emotional harassment, the method many husbands use to brow-beat their wives into submission to their whimsical ego, all the while reminding the wife that this is the way God intended it to be.  The foundation of the church's subjection to Christ is based on its love for Christ, which in turn is based on Christ's unqualified love for the church.

The driving force behind true subjection to Christ is love for Christ, confidence in his faithfulness, and a trusting reliance on his judgment. Included in the word subject is the idea of subordination and reflexive obedience.  This thought is forcefully presented in II Corinthians 5:14, "For the love of Christ constraineth us."  The constraint of Christ is not fear of hell and punishment, but love.  Oh, that more women had this attitude toward their husbands, and that more husbands deserved such an attitude!

The verse that focuses on the husband's responsibility is equally instructive.  What would you say is the single most important responsibility of the husband?  To be the bread-winner?  To remain faithful?  These obligations are not under question, but they certainly are not inherently the foundation of a Bible marriage according to this verse.  The husband's chief obligation to his wife is "To love their wives as their own bodies."  Before you say that this is too simple and too easy, you should carefully examine the word love, for it speaks of far more than simple affection.  While warm, tender affection is included in the scope of this word, it primarily carries a sense of moral and personal obligation.

The broader sense of the verse adds to this moral and personal dimension, the element of degree, "As their own bodies."  It is highly objectionable to me for a man to speak of his wife as "The old lady," for the inference in the title smacks of disrespect and disaffection.  Often the same man who so speaks of his wife will pay large sums of money to the gym and invest many hours a week to keep his own body in prime shape.  His body is the object of intense pride, for it is a part of him.  Well, doesn't this verse give the wife the same position?  Love of one's own body is far more comprehensive than simple pride in its physical appearance.  It also considers a sense of self-respect, not unlike the verses that command that we "Love our neighbor as ourselves."

One of the best fail-safe rules to maintain a healthy marriage relationship, one which is stable, fulfilling, and rewarded with joy and contentment, is a simple honoring of the Golden Rule in all aspects of the relationship.  As strongly as I object to much of the Feminist's movement and the damage it is doomed to impose on the Bible integrity of the woman's assignment in marriage, I believe with equal conviction that the movement is a predictable reaction to the mass failure of men to honor their responsibility toward women, including very especially this responsibility of love.
Often when a marriage in trouble is examined, each partner emotionally points the finger of blame at the other party, as if the failure of one partner fully justifies any course of convenient action by the injured partner.  We need to move beyond the realm of what can be excused into the personal responsibility each partner in the marriage has before God.  The failure of another never justifies my failure before God!  To the extent of my knowledge of God's will, I am consciously responsible to perform it, regardless of anyone else's conduct.  If husbands and wives thought first of the responsibility God has assigned personally to them and less about how their partner has failed, this image of a model marriage from Ephesians 5 would be a more common sight than it is.  May it be so!